Butt Ventriloquist

This is directed toward all of my 30-something friends. Do not announce to the world at large the size of your pants or your weight. Because honestly, no one gives a fuck. I just read a status update where a 37-year-old woman was bragging about fitting in a pair of size-1 pants from Hollister. Two things wrong here: First, adult women do not wear clothing in odd-numbered sizes. Second, Hollister? Really? You're 37. Not 17. Stop shopping at Hollister. Whatever the fuck Hollister is. I cannot abide women of a certain age dressing like they did when they were teenagers.
It's nice that you can wear small sizes. The thing is, women like this, I think, announce these things to make themselves feel better or something. Make themselves feel better by making other people feel yucky. And if I've said it once, I've said it a million times: it doesn't matter what SIZE you wear, does it look FABULOUS? If it's from Hollister, then chances are the answer here is a resounding NO. The whole clothing size thing in this country is hilarious anyway. I know of one store in particular where I wear a size zero. A zero. If I were a total moron, I would think this is really bitchin and announce it to the world. I think its a load of bullshit (and sounds gross) because at any other store in the universe I'm a size four. I bet this store uses this size thing to boost sales, and let's face it. People are stupid enough to fall for believing the little number on the tags.
On that note, can someone bring me a beer? This has me very thirsty.