Why Can't I Do This on the Regular?

Fuck a duck, here I am like a week later. I talk shit to myself in my head ALL DAY LONG. So I don't really understand why it's so hard for me to come here and type it out.
I really do have a serious public service announcement for the kids tonight though. Kids, when you go off to college, make certain that your college roomate's family income is not in the 7 figures. Because one day, you are gonna have to attend that roomie's wedding. Don't get me wrong, I frigging love going to rich people's parties. I can fake it with the best of them. I can eat their whores-d-vores, and I can drank their champipple like it's the law. But the stress of figuring out what the fuck you're supposed to wear to that shit will turn your hair GRAY. Trust. I mean, I bought the most fabulous dress for the wedding, but then I found out today that the night-before-party is also a formal affair, so fuuuuuck me. Luckily I found a super cheap dress on a J Crew final sale, and I already have shoes, etc. Ugh, I'm rambling, I suppose my point is this: Ladies, always make sure you have at least 3 outfits in your closet that you can wear for the next 10 years, in case someone you know (who doesn't live in a trailer park) has a fancy-ass partay.
All that being said, I can't wait to go to this wedding. I get to spend the WEEKEND in a hotel room, all by myself. Like totally by myself, and many of you will be all, wtf? about that but my only fantasy is to spend a night in a hotel room by myself. Honestly, I haven't slept in a bed myself in about 8 years, so I think it's time I spent a night alone without farts (that aren't mine).
I think that this blog was supposed to be about famous people? I just don't really see anyone doing anything all that interesting these days. So I am just gonna do a bullet list of peeps who are doing me wrong/right these days:

• Angelina, eat a fucking sandwich. Or even a cracker. Anything.
• Kate Gosselin, when your man started wearing Ed Hardy, that should have been a HUGE clue.
• Everyone should read dlisted.com, it's required reading.
• David Letterman is taking a lot of flak for things that happen in offices everyday. You try being the 20-something young chick in an office full of men and let me know how that works for you. I've been there. Yawn.
• Madonna is a tired old tuna boat.