"I don't understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little - if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that's the day she has a date with destiny. And it's best to be as pretty as possible for destiny." -Coco Chanel

Gah ok if you own expensive electronics, I would implore you not to store them on your back patio (which is a shithole). My husband can't understand why his shit be broke. He had me order all this crap to "fix" his camera. This afternoon, I decide to take over the backyard again (drink beer, clean clean clean, and listen to music) and I find his video camera and photo camera, in a bag on the frigging back porch. I CAN''T IMAGINE WHY YO SHIT DON'T WORK.

There is this fucking moron here, she faked her own kidnapping and tried to get 50 grand from her husband, and she spent Labor Day weekend screwing some 25-year-old boy, and she got CAUGHT. With a crack pipe. Now, here is my thing. My husband gave me the side-eye this morning for not making coffee. And this trifling bitches husband just stood on the news and announced what an AMAZING WOMAN his wife is. His wife who humped some dude on Philips Highway for 4 days. She tried to steal money from him. SHE HUMPED SOMEONE ELSE AND TRIED TO STEAL HIS MONEY. And this shit just infuriates me, because I really try to be a nice fucking person (hush, I do) and I have never taken 10 bucks from my husband, much less 5 digits. And this guy is on tv talking about what an AMAZING WOMAN this tramp is. Fuck her, is all I have to say. I know so many single women who would never, ever pull some sideways shit like that, you know? And yet trifling bitches like THIS have their man stand beside them. I actually have a relative by marriage who pulled some shit like this, and she ended up with a shitload of money. But she has huge plastic tittays, so I guess this makes her an AMAZING WOMAN too, because the family loves her tacky ass.

I just give up. I am gonna walk around in high-heeled flip flops and daisy dukes from now on. I quit.

This morning, my husband and I had an argument about Kanye West. AGAIN. I think that really, he is just pissed off because he wears the same damn clothes every day, and Kanye is a fashion master. Whatevs. Anyway, he was all glad because Kanye and Lady GaGa's tour got cancelled. Well, I still say that Beyonce's video WAS BETTER and that Taylor Fart Swift shouldn't have won. MTV knew that Kanye was gonna act a fool that night, that's why they invited him. He is an AMAZING MAN. I think the Louis Vuitton Don might have a little drinky-drink problem and that's what egged him on. He was right though. But my husband, who ugh, if you know him, this is hilarious, actually said "But there is a way to conduct yourself in public, and that wasn't right". Ok, foolio. He also made comments about how Kan was walking around with a bottle of Hennessy that night, like he is a teetotaler. OMG LIGHTNING STRIKE HIM.

I can't believe my Dave Letterman was humping on some young chick. The funny thing is, I was always SO JEALOUS of that Steph chick. I always wondered how she got such an awesome job, and now I know how! Whatever, I'm still kind of shocked that he actually had sex. That kind of grosses me out, because hello? He's old.
There's a story on the news now about beer, same day brewed beer is available at Publix today. Le sigh. I'm distracted now.

Ok, well, its the weekend, time to have some cocktails.